How do you know that you are doing what you're suppose to be doing? It feels right. You just get up and do what is asked of you. And it's almost like it's not even being asked of you, it's just happening through you.
I am up before dawn again this morning ready to start the day. Of course I lay there in bed in hopes to go back to sleep but then who wants to do that? LOL So I stop the struggle and take my shower then begin allowing the words to flow.
Before I really woke up good this morning I was asked a question. Why are you so joyful for your children and the partners they have chosen for themselves? This was an easy answer for me and one I delighted in answering....because I know they are with the parts of themselves that will bring awareness.
I knew as soon as I answered the question that this was a conversation that was being continued from yesterday. I know that when my children "marry" (in a relationship is like marriage) that they are gaining the most information about the relationship they have with their self. So when I found out my son had finally found someone that he said that he loved I knew that he was now going to receive the greatest gift of awareness. Awareness allows us to be conscious.
You see consciousness is the ability to see the contrast in our lives. Without this contrast everything looks the same and without depth. We can definitely see where shadows give us depth in our lives. So I knew my son would have some depth to his life.
Depth doesn't mean good or bad. Actually we can experience depth to such a degree that it could bring us so much realization and joy that we feel renewed and alive. I have felt this kind of depth many times in my life. So I was happy and loved the fact when my children are in any type of relationship, for good or bad, because I know the experience will provide them with depth in their experiences and with self.
I laid there in bed wondering which letter was for today. I knew I should know it but I could not call it up within my own mind. I closed my eyes in the dark and then I could see Lamed, but still no letter or recall for today. Then I was asked about the elements of the letters. I knew immediately that Mem was water and then the voice asked, "which one is for air?" I didn't know! Then what happened next surprised me.
Two years ago I was asked to do a 40 day and 40 night internal journey, which I did. During this journey I had all kinds of dreams of fire, dragons and such. I literal thought I was going out of my mind, but it was through the fire that I was able to grow and flourish. I could see how desires had gotten out of hand and that my passions were being lost within my own illusion of greed.
Then about this time last year I was asked to journal 400 days of processing on this blog. I thought to myself, wow, really? Can I do that? Would I have the staying power when things got tough. I already knew how tough going through the 40 days was! But what started to happen next was interesting. I started having water dreams. I had never dreamt about swimming or diving before, now I was having all kinds of dreams that I was in the deep of the waters. Not at anytime did I feel fearful about it, but rather a deep sense of peace.
It's interesting now that I think about it because one dream I am on this show boat and my sons dog is with me. We both fall in and I remember thinking I needed to push him to the surface. As I did this I could see a light shining from the left side of my vision. There was no fear of drowning. I didn't wake up holding my breath, and I knew the dog was safe. Well, just in 4 weeks of having that dream a dog showed up at our house. Of course it's the neighbors dog but she likes it here and they said that we could share her love.
Well today is Mem, water! Mem is also the number 40. When I looked at the shadow of Mem I could see how I needed to understand and love this letter. I had become misguided and destructive in my life with passion, as stated earlier. But then there was always this part of me that felt like God had left me here all alone without any resources or abilities. One of the shadows of Mem is the feeling that God has cheated us in some way. Of course anytime we feel cheated there's a good chance in getting stuck within our own minds and within the illusion of fear and insecurity. I was so full of insecurity that all I did was project this all over the place so that I could appear strong and confident.
Mem is holding the keys to the abyss for us, waiting calmly as we dive within. As I laid there in bed I was show Shin for fire and then Mem for water (didn't know what letter today was but was being shown) and then it came:
"When you master all the elements from within then you are the Avatar. Until then I am with you guiding you all the way." I knew then the reason for the Aleph Beit and the numbers and the lessons they hold for each of us. It's not to master the world, overcome the world, enlighten the world, it's only to master the depths within you. Until then we are just still projecting and projections are always distorted. Why? Because you are now saying that's not for me let me see how it fits you first.
Fire is our desires and passions in life. They can become diluted or distorted and we have to learn the fires within us that cause the flames to burn. When we are able to stand in the middle of our passions without being burned then we have mastered fire.
Water is our emotions and the ability to allow things to flow within us. When we are stifled by fear, greed, or lack then we drown ourselves within our own sorrows. When we are able to dive deep within the experiences within our lives without the feeling of losing ourselves then we have mastered water.
I can only share with you what I have learned so far and still have the other elements to learn. But you get to learn with me if you so choose. Are you ready to master the within and take charge of your own elements? Here is the choice we make in life. Here is the "free will" that we get to experience. Here we find God within our heart. Here is where My Will and Gods Will are ONE.
Enjoy Mem today! Take the journey deep within.
Belief Statement: As I type this out Fluff is cuddled in my arms and this feels loving. I think he missed our one on one time yesterday. I gain love while losing nothing.
Spirit Statement: I am myself cuddled in the arms of love. I know God and I are one now in love with everything.
Blessings, V
