When I was praying my heart out in the shower yesterday morning I had no idea what the day would bring, but my prayers were that I knew that it would all be in God's Will that all things would take place. I cried that morning for all the joy in my heart, all the gratitude that I felt deep within me and the profound trust that I felt at that moment. When a client showed up unexpected I thanked God for this ability to assist myself and this client in the way that was being presented to me. I was so excited in knowing that all things were in God's timing. I was able to share this story with the client which brought great comfort where she was at that moment. After the session I noticed that I missed a call from my baby brother. When I called him back he said they found our father on the floor this morning and that they thought he died of a heart attack. He gave me my middle brothers number and the information that he was needing from me. Upon my calling my brother I learned that my dad passed the night before and that they didn't find him until this morning. I was so brave and didn't feel anything immediately which was quit interesting to me. At that moment I knew I must have buried something deep within me. I immediately called all my appointments and cancelled the rest of the day. I did my errands and then I came home to work through my feelings. These feelings began to rise while I was on the road and I kept pushing them back because I felt like they were over taking me. I could feel the projection I was putting out there with my dad. My heart would start racing, and I felt funny in the head, like I was going to pass out. So I recognize this feeling all to well and bring myself back to my own space and time. After I got home I quickly lit the candles, incenses and immediately started meditating and praying. I found what happened next was amazing. I discovered the blessing my father was to me and the role that he had to play just to allow me to wake up. All these years I thought that it was him that was ignorant and in the dark, but all along it was me in the dark. He tried to show me what I was in the dark about and I refused him. I couldn't even look at him. I had to send him away because I said, "If you can't appreciate what I'm doing for you and you want to move away then do it." My father never could understand why I just put him on a flight so easily to my brother. I gave thanks to my dad for all that he sacrificed of himself to allow him to come to me in the way he was. I saw him ignorant about his ideas about women as demeaning and cruel. It was me that was denying that part of me. It was me that was demanding, demeaning and more. I tried to be the mom, wife, and daughter everyone wanted me to be, but I just couldn't do it for anything length of time. I always fell back into the trap of living in a mans world. My heart completely opened and I cried for 2 hours just giving thanks for all of the things in brought to me. I know that my father lives, his transformation into the light will be assisted by those of love. The sadness that we have for others when they pass that our guilt really gets us. But I often wonder why are we guilty? Now I get it, it's the guilt that we didn't realize what they brought to us to teach us and that we avoid. The bigger the lesson that we did not get while they were alive the bigger the guilt. I experienced this directly with my father-in-law. He was there to teach me so much, but I ignored it. It was only after he died that I learned what he meant to me in my life. If you are feeling any guilt about someone close there is still more you can learn from what they were trying to teach you. Dad, I love you. Thank you for the sacrifice you were so that I could awaken. Thank you for being the humbled spirit that you were and showing me my own pushiness, greed, and lack of awareness. Big love to you forever.
Awareness opens the possibility for Alignment and the Willingness to Release. Free yourself of illusions within YOUR reality. What are you creating that makes you feel disempowered?
Friday, November 5, 2010
The Transformation of my Dad
When I was praying my heart out in the shower yesterday morning I had no idea what the day would bring, but my prayers were that I knew that it would all be in God's Will that all things would take place. I cried that morning for all the joy in my heart, all the gratitude that I felt deep within me and the profound trust that I felt at that moment. When a client showed up unexpected I thanked God for this ability to assist myself and this client in the way that was being presented to me. I was so excited in knowing that all things were in God's timing. I was able to share this story with the client which brought great comfort where she was at that moment. After the session I noticed that I missed a call from my baby brother. When I called him back he said they found our father on the floor this morning and that they thought he died of a heart attack. He gave me my middle brothers number and the information that he was needing from me. Upon my calling my brother I learned that my dad passed the night before and that they didn't find him until this morning. I was so brave and didn't feel anything immediately which was quit interesting to me. At that moment I knew I must have buried something deep within me. I immediately called all my appointments and cancelled the rest of the day. I did my errands and then I came home to work through my feelings. These feelings began to rise while I was on the road and I kept pushing them back because I felt like they were over taking me. I could feel the projection I was putting out there with my dad. My heart would start racing, and I felt funny in the head, like I was going to pass out. So I recognize this feeling all to well and bring myself back to my own space and time. After I got home I quickly lit the candles, incenses and immediately started meditating and praying. I found what happened next was amazing. I discovered the blessing my father was to me and the role that he had to play just to allow me to wake up. All these years I thought that it was him that was ignorant and in the dark, but all along it was me in the dark. He tried to show me what I was in the dark about and I refused him. I couldn't even look at him. I had to send him away because I said, "If you can't appreciate what I'm doing for you and you want to move away then do it." My father never could understand why I just put him on a flight so easily to my brother. I gave thanks to my dad for all that he sacrificed of himself to allow him to come to me in the way he was. I saw him ignorant about his ideas about women as demeaning and cruel. It was me that was denying that part of me. It was me that was demanding, demeaning and more. I tried to be the mom, wife, and daughter everyone wanted me to be, but I just couldn't do it for anything length of time. I always fell back into the trap of living in a mans world. My heart completely opened and I cried for 2 hours just giving thanks for all of the things in brought to me. I know that my father lives, his transformation into the light will be assisted by those of love. The sadness that we have for others when they pass that our guilt really gets us. But I often wonder why are we guilty? Now I get it, it's the guilt that we didn't realize what they brought to us to teach us and that we avoid. The bigger the lesson that we did not get while they were alive the bigger the guilt. I experienced this directly with my father-in-law. He was there to teach me so much, but I ignored it. It was only after he died that I learned what he meant to me in my life. If you are feeling any guilt about someone close there is still more you can learn from what they were trying to teach you. Dad, I love you. Thank you for the sacrifice you were so that I could awaken. Thank you for being the humbled spirit that you were and showing me my own pushiness, greed, and lack of awareness. Big love to you forever.
