I spent the good part of my day processing what my dad meant to me, took ownership of what was real and what my beliefs awakened me to. Of course when you are going through something like that only to have your mother call you to tell you how he wasted his life, well just makes you stop and say "WOW". Reall? Right now you want to tear this mans life down instead of just leaving it alone?
As I'm standing there stunned by what my mother is sharing with me I thought for a moment of how hurt she must be right now and is unable to truly witness it. I could hear it in her voice, especially when she said, "You know our lives could have been so much different." It was then I realized that my mom was in pain. It was then I realized that she was living in the past all these years and how it played out in her drama. As well as I, too, lived that lie of what it could've been like. Of course this is only pulling us out of the present and enjoying the life that is.
My step-father told me one time not to judge others because you never know what's going on behind the scenes. He's absolutely right. I also think a part of our self has to become clear to understand this. My step-father was truly an angel.
Cleaning carpets and remembering what my mom just said and feeling really cool about my week and how it just unfolded so naturally. I knew without a doubt that God was with me all the way. I realized that it was Friday but felt like I didn't do anything to get where I was in that moment. This week went by so effortlessly. And as I'm getting ready to end my week and my Friday, getting ready for my husband to celebrate our quiet time and meditation it almost seemed like my world was coming apart.
My world didn't come apart with one of my best friends moving away, of which I denied for months within myself, even though I knew it was happening. It didn't fall apart when my dad passed away and it didn't fall apart with my mom called to say all that she needed to say. However.....it did start falling apart after receiving an email.
As I sat there reading this email I thought about how this already happened. I had had this very moment play out for me two years ago. I remember exactly what was written within the email and how I responded to it. At that time I didn't know what was going on because of course didn't know these people. Now 2 years ago was when I was going through a major transformation and was writing the book, "Higher Mind, Lower Mind."
Before getting this email I was listening to one of the blog talk radios on "The Principle of Enough". It was absolutely on mark and her story was much like my own. When she started talking about the crystal in her head I had to laugh. When we shared that information with some friends of ours they thought I had lost my mind.
I had received confirmation that what was happening to me was real. That all the things that were spoken to us as a group were real. Our non life form was called Evan. We all laughed because of Evan Almighty. Anyway, life seemed perfect in every way.
But when I received this email things came to a stop. I said I had had enough. That there was no reason for this to continue over and over and over again. I'm not going to go into details here but trust me I'd had enough. Folks, when things become difficult and hard to understand it's time to take a break to see where we are and why it's being difficult. It's totally okay to know that you've outgrown a path, or need to move into another direction. Anyone that tells you you are running is only running from something themselves.
So getting back to dinner with hubby. We are sitting there and we always draw a card. He drew his first and then me. I received Samech. On the card it says, "the gift of art is to know to say enough"! (in off) LOL....I had to laugh. I laughed so hard to know that God was with me and letting me know that I had had enough.
As I looked in my book, by the way the name of this book is "The Oracel of Kabbalah" and is the best darn kabbala book I've ever had. What this Hebrew letter is telling us when we draw it is that we are being supported and or we are supporting. It's the sign of Divine Support and Protection.
PS. 91:4 "and God shall be your shield and buckler". I knew at that moment I was being protected and supported as I went through this transition. But it gets better. I'm going to quote the book here so everyone can see it:
"When Samech circles into our lives, we confront this twofold nature. Samech challenges us to find a balance between interdependence and independence, supportiveness and secrecy." It goes on to say that it's hard for us to open up to support and that we barricade ourselves from the outside world.
I had to take a look at how I would hide from the outside world. And it hit me, I hide in secrecy. I hide within my own stories and beliefs. I create time over and over again so that I feel the "need" to be vulnerable and weak. So that I can create weakness over and over again to feel that I needed to "earn" a right to live and to be liberated.
The outside world I was hiding from was the world within me. All the stories, all the lies, all the confusion, all the pretend power, all the pretend knowing; just so that I could shine my light on to the world of my own inability to be at peace within myself.
Completely knowing there is no one out there made me realize there is no one to become vulnerable, strong, or any of those others things that are taught now. What was true is that I hide these things from myself. And that is the misuse of power. Plain and simple. I was giving my power away to someone else and giving control to someone else because I lacked the ability to take ownership of myself. Who am I? I am a child of God. No one can take that away from me, but me. No one can give that to me, but me. No one can give me the keys, only I can do that.
But this is coming from a realization that we also need to protect our inner jewels. It's a sign of self-containment, shielding, protection. It truly does remind us that there is no one out there and so who are we being secrect too. So the shadow of this card is being too dependent on others. This is so true for me. I've needed validation for what I was hiding from myself.
I had to really sit and think about this for a long time. So I decided to see what was real with me and process that with the 7-Steps. I think everyone, including me forgets how powerful these steps are. What I discovered was this; it was about me giving my power away again. Me putting myself out there outside myself so that I didn't have to deal with my popularity or love. We are all popular and the love of God. I'm not more special than you and you aren't more special than me. We are all equal.
Being a part of several organization regarding keeping the information private, that it's a mystery and not for anyone to know. I am telling myself that I am still a mystery to myself. That I'm still keeping parts of me burdied deep within. I'm telling myself that I don't want to be exposed. WHY? Because I would become liberated.
I am humbled by my experience. I trust that God knows what S/He is doing for it is not of my business. It's interesting folks that teach this very concept but are unable to live it within their own lives.
If it is God's will then it is God's will leave it alone. And how do I know it's God will, because it's happening. Nothing happens that's not Gods work, nothing. Even when we think that something terrible is happening we can't begin to understand what God has in it for us. But I will tell you this, when I fight with God my life begins to become very difficult in every way. When I listen to God then there is an ease and flow about my life. I'm in the rhythm of life.
Belief Statement: Learning is not suppose to be at my expense and this feels like I am being used. I don't understand the stories anymore or why they are directed at me. This makes me feel like I'm gaining confusion while losing peace.
Now of course there is no one doing anything to me, so I'll have to take responsibility for this.
Spirit Statement: I know I learn freedom while receiving the understanding of my reality within me with confidence and peace.
Wow, that's all there is. There is no big secret. There is no need to hide. I'm only keeping myself from experiencing this freedom because I've been unwilling to "RECEIVE" I kept giving, like there was something to give.
Now, trust me. First, if you are in a relationship with anything, and/or anyone that feels they need to keep you guessing or that you need them for total liberation, or that they have the piece to clear the planet, well guess what? Jesus knew this was all going to be a process for each person. We all make money off of spirituality now without understanding what we are saying. Think about that for a moment and that will sink in.
I'm not saying it's not right to make money, we're all here..... but what you must think about are your attachments to it.
Remember a few blogs back I shared with you about having clients and not having clients but that I knew that if I just did what was asked of me that God would see to it that my needs were met? Well that was true. You can't put a number on people's heads. So if you are thinking, "Oh, this is the only way I'm going to make money", well then you've just stopped God. I won a big jackpot after that happened, and then the same thing happened again just this past weekend.
I'm not limiting God. I am allowing Source to flow through me and guide me each step of the way. I don't care if others don't like that this is happening to me. I don't care if you don't get it. I don't care that teachers feel they are losing me, it's simply their story. What hidden agenda did they have in the first place? That is not for me to know unless God wants me to know.
Today would be a great day to take a moment to breathe. Find out how you have limited yourself. Find the story within you that makes you feel that you need anything. The process that I was guided to do with God by myself has brought me to such clarity. This was not anyone's process, this was God's process. It was the God within me that needed to see the light.
Blessings to you all. We are having a Basic Relief Class November 12th and 13th. To sign up for this class just visit us at www.highermindlowermind.com and click Basic Relief Webinar. We look forward to seeing you there.
And on that note I must go. I have lots of work ahead of me that God shared with me yesterday. To get myself back on track and do the business that God has asked me to do. The rest is up to HIM. Matter of fact that was confirmed with voice messages early this morning for next week. All we need to do is release the control and let God be and it will all be what it needs to be.
Much Love,
Velvete
