"Nun"

After being awakened early yesterday, seeing his clock at 5:55 and my clock at 6am, receiving a call for my father-in-law that has already passed, and simply feeling a little, just a little uneasy, I got through my day with great progress and success.

I accomplished all of the work that I had set out to do plus some extra things on the side. And it's a good thing to because I have clients coming to the house today.

As I was wrapping work up and transitioning to family matters I decided to sit and meditate on the meaning of today. I decided to draw one of my trusty little cards and it was the Hebrew letter Nun.

Nun's numerical value is 50. Hum, connection? I think so. Because the letter also means fish. But this is what I think is interesting. It's a letter that is letting us know that enlightenment is there, but that we have to take one step at a time. It's a journey that can take some time but that when you wake up you wake up.

LOL, I had to laugh and thank God for the message because it was all right there for me. I had become so wrapped up in obtaining spiritual enlightenment that I had forgotten that it's right in front of me. As my awareness changes my external world will shift with it. So it's not as if we are going to go poof and be in that state of awakening without some external changes and shifts happening as well.

I had a dream the night before that allowed me to realize this on a much deeper level. The fear in the dream reminded me that when we move too fast we can become fearful of what we "think" we are going to lose. But the dream also let me learn that we never lose anything, it just comes into it's truer nature and state of being.

Remember in the new "Alice in Wonderland". Johnny Depp is playing the part of the Mad Hatter. Alice tells him he doesn't really exist anyway that it's all within her mind, just a dream. But the Mad Hatter seems very disturbed by this statement and he ask her, "Well then please don't ever forget me."

You see even when we know that we only exist in the mind of another (God) we are asking this person not to forget so so that we can still have purpose.

We all have the need to feel real, have a sense of purpose and to live life as we are on this journey. Of course that's going to be different for everyone because we all have our own experience to experience....to add to the pot of completion.

As the night drew to a close I was showering and it hit me, when I tried to commit suicide this wasn't because I was trying to run away from God but rather run away from the ego. It was only the mad up fears about myself and what others thought of me that I could not bare any longer. None of the assumptions were real, it's just what my ego thought they meant. The ego was paralyzing me.

God has different plans for me. His will and my will are one, and he was letting me know, "You're going to get through this. You are going to learn love." So as I'm in the shower I realized the little feelings that come up every now and then and that's the illusion of the fear. The fear that I create in my own mind to keep me separated from God. Once I realized this I felt great, all the uneasiness left my body and I slept like a baby last night.

Dwayne was asleep in the chair by 8:30 and I took the opportunity to process even further what his father might have meant for me. Folks, I was completely blessed yesterday to be giving so many signs, so many signals in what power I was blocking for myself.

I processed until 10:30 last night and found a new sense of freedom in the projections that I so distorted onto other people.

Well I have cats now wanting to receive love and I have lots of love to give them now. So have a great day and remember, life is for living.