"Now What?"

Yesterday was a process that truly allowed for a little more liberation. To understand when we hear or see something we actually are seeing and hearing the judgement of it all is completely mind blowing. It's true, as we've said before and will probably say many more times, that the things that we see are only our perceptions of beliefs. So if I believe that someone is out to cause me harm then this is what I will continually see for myself when it comes to the actions of this person.

When I was only 7 years old I woke up to find my gold fish bowl of money missing and immediately blamed my mother for this act of injustice. But in reality I never saw my mother take anything from me. I judged her based on my belief that she didn't love me and how a mother is suppose to be with her child. This perception led me into a life of lies that continually wanted to be validated and recognized. Matter of fact that morning when I woke up and found my gold fish bowl gone, I found my dad standing there with my two sisters and he said that we didn't have any food in the house. I quickly jumped to the opportunity to take my butt 100 of miles down the road to buy something. My dad insisted it was too far of a walk and didn't want me to do this. But I told him I could do it. He said, "Okay". Bless his heart, he finally came and picked me up and boy was I very ever grateful. But truly isn't this how God is with us all. He allows us to walk the walk but is always there to gently guide and bring us back home.

While thinking about this I remembered the fight that my mom had that night with her husband and she came into my room. I pretended to be asleep and not hear her. She told me that I would never know how much she loved me and then she kissed me goodbye. To be honest I felt sneaky, and I felt happy about this. I think I even had a smile on my face as she cried into my pillow. I didn't know what all that meant at that time, I was only 7. From that day on I was always trying to prove to myself that I was lovable, that I was someone to be recognized and that I needed to be validated in my need to be so. I lived a path of needing validation and recognition. When we sign up for this role in life it's not easy because now we get the opposite of those things, we are not going to be validated and we are not going to be recognized.

When I sat and thought about what I had done to myself I cried. I realized that I told God that I would never know how much He loved me. And that my sneakiness was my lie, and that this would all happen so that I could validate and recognize myself as a child of God. All of a sudden a flood of images occurred for me that showed me how I had done that over and over and over again in my life. I felt God's love and I felt the liberation of lifting the veil, the illusion. What a wonderful gift I gave myself, a mother that loved me so much that she played the role that she did to bring me to enlightenment. I love my mother so much. She truly is loving, kind and generous in all areas of her life, spiritually and physically. I understood and felt how hard that role may have been to take or play. I've had my share of hard roles to play with my kids to. I love my children so much I would never intentional want to hurt them, but it's our agreements to bring us to the light.

It doesn't take ego very long though to see how strong the liberation was. LOL... My ego did a lot of talking to me and out loud too. But with each test I was able to go within and call from Source to guide me in Love. Even that can be hard for people that are dishing it out to you, it's almost like they want you to be mad at them for what they just said to you. But again, keeping true with reality that is only my perception. I did not hear, "You should be mad at me right now for what I am telling you." But I did hear, "You need to come back down to my level and deal with me." Interesting what we hear and see when we just allow someone else to talk instead of thinking of what to say next.

When we don't worry about what to say next we are free to allow Source to work through us because there is no agenda. And isn't it interesting that it was my mother that called me this morning to tell me this after my process regarding my truth? HUM?????

Because I have such clarity right now I wanted to be sure I was clear on an earlier text I sent a friend. Of course I wanted to honor their time and mine by not just throwing it out in the air that I would call whenever. I stated that I would like to nail down a time to make contact for my need to validate clarity. The next text I received back was "What do you want to validate? I'm not here as a test for you." And because of my level of clarity right now I simply stated that it was for my own validation regarding clarity which was a personal need to honor our time together. Staying true with what is stated makes it easier to communicate. It's only our perceptions of what our beliefs are regarding the situation that begins the downward spiral. But what a beautiful opportunity to do a process? See every situation is an excellent time to see an unseen belief about ourselves. Even though I did not feel a charge from this I decided to see where it was going. It was absolutely divine. What about the friend? It's not for me to say because I cannot "see" or "hear" what is going on for that person. It would be a judgement if I put words to this.

Now what? Well my communication with my husband has been effortless today. His driving did not cause a reaction. And it was interesting for me to just be a complete observer today, even when people were yelling at me. But they really weren't yelling at me, I was yelling at me. My little ego was saying what do you think you are doing to me.

Today I am clear that I am not in control, that God loves me, that I am one with everything and everyone.

Belief Statement: I watch my life and feel happy because I know that I am gaining awareness and losing nothing.

Spirit Statement: I am life and happiness and know that I am aware in everything.