Patient/Impatient

We went to the fair today as a family, which we have not done since the kids were little. Of course it was just one of our sons that went with us, but it felt like all of them were there all the same. Many of the sites and activities we did today was with our grandchildren in mind.

As I was walking along, I thought about Cadence and how she sees so much of what really is around her, right down to light fixtures. She sees the beauty in it all. So I decided that today I would walk with eyes wide open. I wanted to observe myself observing. The one thing to observe first is where is your heart? Was I in my head or in my heart?

When I found myself wondering how my body was doing I knew immediately this was my head. Why? Because it was trying to distract me. The ego always uses the body as a way of identification. So if it can get us to relate to the body then we are trapped. When I thought about being dizzy or whatever else it was, I quickly let it be what it needed to be and would not identify with it. Boy did this change things!!!!! I became more engaged in asking questions to learn more about whatever it was that we were experiencing. And you know what? The people loved to give their stories, they loved to share their knowledge and the biggest thing that I noticed is that they felt appreciated for what they were doing in life. There is nothing wrong with appreciating people for what they do.

Can you think of any time you went some place and was too shy to ask a question from the person who signed up just so you could ask questions? Which brings me to a memory of our other health food store, people used to come in an asking me where places were in town and how to get there. I used to think I had a sign outside that said information booth. But now ask people if we had a health food store, LOL...that was funny. No one knew where that was. LOL

Anyway, what I began to realize is that when I tried to find words to describe what I was experiencing it was like a void. I was just present. I thought of words and when I thought about patient, I realized at that moment that patient didn't make sense to me. How could I be patient unless I was experiencing inpatients first? I wasn't! I was neither. To imply that I was patient would have implied that I could be impatient, I am neither.

What a wonderful ego trap!!!! I mean think about the identification that we give ourselves with our bodies like when I thought I was dizzy. LOL....am I dizzy, some people would say yes. But am I dizzy, no! Am I patient, NO! When we are saying we are patient what is the ego getting us to identify with? MIND! Judgment= divided mind. Can I be patient if I judge anything? Absolutely not. Why? Because as soon as I see it as not being good for me, I immediately become impatient. When we are in situations that we judge as bad don't we want to get out of them quickly? Well, most of us do! Why? What are we trying to hurry? Why do we want it quickly? Where are you going?

I had a realization along with this today of the poison/blessing I fed myself before I could remember anything else about my life. This realization was my belief that I was weak, and that I would have to agree to see other people so weak that they would need my help to heal. It is through this story that was so well put together that I find harmony, friends, peace, love, light, fortune and fame. Why? Because now I am no longer driven by the poison/blessing of the belief but rather now awaken to the world coming to me, rather than me coming at the world.

It's interesting how I wrote in one blog that as I was driving I began to think, "I'm not driving to any place, but that place is coming to me." Now I see the knowledge behind this experience. For me this is pretty normal to experience then receive the knowledge. It's the undoing of the doing for me to be the being of being.

The son that went to the fair with us today is a son that is such a blessing of the reflections he gives me of myself. His strength he has told me has come from me. Not more than a few weeks ago he was full of judgment, full of anger, and full of control, but within the last 3 days to hear his heart. He even spoke to someone about judgment and how greedy people have become and that we all are guided by love. I knew when I heard my son talk of these things that he was now reflecting back to me that I GOT IT. He was so clear with his words.

When I spoke to my daughter about a process that I was going through she asked me and told me, "What are you afraid of? It's that deepest fear within you that keeps you from knowing and realizing who you are? It is that belief that you hid deep within you and projected outside of yourself so you couldn't find it." When she spoke I knew I was getting myself. I knew I had become aware of truth. I knew that she was reflective of the child within me. These were all things I've told people myself, these are all things that I knew but I was now in the midst of my own drama.

I started this process to help my children. I knew that by working on me that I would be shifting their worlds. How? Because they are me! By cleaning up my internal world, I clean up my external world, just like with the seasons.

Hahahaha....I feel I can truly laugh a belly laugh right now for all the things I got so upset over. But thank goodness they were there.

Belief Statement: Before my birth I hid a message deep within me that made me feel sad, lonely, helpless, and despair. I thought I was weak and unworthy of anything good in my life. I gained fear, while losing hope.

Spirit Statement: I am born knowing the message within me of happiness, unity, confidence, and strength. I know am I am strong and love all things in life and love is peace.

I know the eyes that find their way to these words will be inspired to find what is buried deep within them so their external world will reflect the internal state of peace.

Blessings,
V