Wednesday was such a beautiful day and everything was going along so nicely and then as quickly as a bird takes flight my day changed. I was on my way to get an adjustment from a friend of mine when I began to feel sweaty, dizzy, and faint. It was interesting to me that this occured right in front of our old place of business together. Of course I was not thinking that at the time, all I knew is this was familiar territory and I needed a bathroom quickly. Actually, I didn't know what I needed. I was so confused that I walked half dazzed into a gas station and ran to the bathroom. There all broke loose. My left hand was tingling and I was sweating so badly that I was slipping on the toilet. Not a good rememberance but true.
I called my husband after I was able to throw up. I could barely speak but he was able to make things out. He called back a few minutes later to see if I could make it up to his work. I told him I was feeling better and that yes I would be there. Before I could pull into his place of work the feeling came over me again, like a wave. I thought I was going to pass out again but held on. I quickly got into the back seat of my car with a trash can in hand. All the way home my poor husband had to hold down his own stomach from my own sounds of agony.
Once we got home I quickly jumped into the shower after taking care of business, again. As I sat there in the shower a wave came over me as if this was it. I was so weak that I felt like I couldn't even breath. I wanted to cry but I couldn't, I wanted to talk, but couldn't do that either. I just whimpered and told my husband through little gasp of air that I could not stand up. He gently took me in his arms and wrapped towels around me, laid me in the bed and covered me completely up. He knew there was no way I had enough strength to put clothes on.
I fell asleep with an occassional awakening to projectile. My husband would appear on the first sound of a cough. He would stand by the bed to watch what was happening, clean up and then leave me to rest again. About 10pm I finally wanted to get up but could not do so with assistance. He was patient in helping my limp body get dressed only to have to assist me all the way to the living room. There I sat up on my own looking around as if it was a new place for me. Even though my communication was slow I was able to get the point across. Bed time arrived and we both slept soundly. The next morning I felt like I had been run over by a mack truck.
It wasn't until later in the morning that I was able to have enough strength to really review the meaning behind this experience and why I created it. After talking it over with a friend I realized that I am always pushing myself so hard. That this new business in this new town would have meant more accountability, more responsibility, and more running. I realized that it was my own insecurity about myself that drives me to the brink of exhaustion. No one ask or requires this of me. For goodness sakes I'm self employeed yet I treat myself as if I'm employeed by someone who will punish me if I don't get the job done right then and there.
So as my husband and I are taking him to work, because his truck is still there from Wednesday, he says to me....."Well, have you processed that?" I quickly got pen and paper out and here is how this unfolds.
Belief: I take on more responsibility and this makes me fearful. I'm so far behind that it makes me feel like I'm gaining anxiety while losing focus.
Spirit: I am free to experience love because I know I am one with peace and focus.
Simply put when I allow myself to follow my heart of love and do what comes naturally then I'm in peace and everything unfolds.
No one puts the stress and strain on me, I do a good enough job doing that to myself. So Spirit is telling me to relax, enjoy, and know.
Enjoy!
V
Awareness opens the possibility for Alignment and the Willingness to Release. Free yourself of illusions within YOUR reality. What are you creating that makes you feel disempowered?
